It was just past midnight and I had been lying across my bed watching a Bette Davis Marathon on TV, when suddenly something felt deathly wrong. My heart stopped for a second or two, then began beating with increased intensity, while the room slowly started spinning, like a carousel turned on. I had no idea what was happening to me but I knew it was serious. My first thought was I am having a heart attack and about to die. The feeling was so intense and unexplained - I became paralyzed with fear.
The next few minutes were the worst. I knew I had to get help fast, but I was alone at home that night. The phone was only inches away on the ground by my bed, but I could not bring myself to reach for it. I was convinced the only way to stay alive, long enough to be found was to not move an inch. My heart was beating so hard and so fast, I thought, any minute now I would die. I had to do something and it had to be quick. I screamed out into the night for help.
My voice sounded so strange to me. I had never heard that tone before and it scared me even more. My stomach at this point felt so hollow as if my insides had completely dissolved. I felt a cramp in my forehead and my arms and legs felt like jelly. The room was spinning around me and my ear had a weird humming sound going on, similar to the whirring of a fan, but really loud.
All through this time, I remained motionless, sitting crossed-legged on my bed - neither looking left nor right. Tears were streaming down my face but I did not want to give in to crying. That would mean movement. I could not afford that. I had to hold on for as long as I could before death. My logic came from somewhere beyond but it was the only thing keeping me sane... and alive.
I shouted for help several times. It was hard to shout without moving my head. I adopted a sort of ventriloquism, trying to project without moving my lips. I prayed silently for forgiveness and begged God if he could just keep me alive until someone showed up. I did not want to die alone. Then suddenly, I heard a voice outside my bedroom window asking "Are you alright?"
My window was open but I was powerless to turn and look. I shouted instead, "NO... I am having a heart attack. Get help... fast!"
It was a male voice and I remembered feeling calm for a few seconds, while he reassured me that everything was going to be okay. He kept talking in an even, calm tone, all the while letting me know he was getting help and I should try to relax and hang on.
I lived in a gated community on the outskirts of town in Negril, Jamaica. The houses were not very far apart, but quite a few were uninhabited. Many of the owners lived abroad and returned only during the Winter. Those that were occupied, housed mostly Hotel Managers and Entertainment staff from various hotels along the main strip. Lucky for me, in one of those houses lived a German doctor who opened her practice in the town a few years before, and, it seems, so did my rescuer - the voice at the window.
In what seemed like hours, help finally came, bursting through the patio sliding doors. I knew there were people at the entrance to my room - including the doctor - but I still could not bring myself to turn. I was rooted with fear.
The doctor asked me a few questions. I was imagining an emergency scene enacted, with ambulance and drama, but instead the doctor faced me and with a reassuring tone said, "You are going to be fine, Ms. Spence. You are having a panic attack, not a heart attack."
At the time, I had no idea what she meant by a panic attack, but I suddenly had a vision of an old English movie with some woman having the "vapors" and fanning profusely. Inwardly, I was angry. Imagine, I hung on this long for help to come and they bring me a doctor with no sense? I was having a heart attack and instead of trying to save me, the doctor was dishing out crap advice? "What is a panic attack, anyway?" I thought. I am not crazy, or delicate... I am dying!
Think of an upside-down "V" in graph style. Your panic attack starts from the bottom left side and slowly rises in intensity (usually over 10 mins) climbing to the top of the "V" where it peaks. This is where you feel your worst and it can last from 30 mins to several hours before slowly descending. This is your adrenalin in action. Adrenalin pumps through your system when you get a bad scare, e.g. near-miss collision, someone breaking into your home. Your legs and arms go weak, rapid heartbeat, etc. The difference is in those scenarios you have a logical reason for what you feel. With a panic attack, it happens without reason and therefore evokes a scare that something awful is happening to you physically that feels like the onset of a heart attack or death.
I did not trust the doctor's diagnosis completely, but took the chance to finally turn my head towards the little group that had assembled at my bedroom doorway. I was searching in the crowd for the voice at the window. The palpitations were not as severe now and the carousel ride I was on had slowly come to a halt. If I was truly dying, I was convinced it was no longer that night. I had been given a second chance. Just as quickly as the drama erupted is as quickly as it ended, leaving me exhausted, confused and uncertain. The doctor gave me half a Valium to help me to relax and sleep. It was 2:00a.m. The Assembly dispersed and everyone expressed their well wishes for my recovery. A friend of mine who lived nearby had been called over to stay with me through the night and was busy setting up his post in the living room on the sofa. Then I heard the voice from the window. He hoped I was feeling better. Looking back to that night, I vaguely remember my saying "Thanks". I must have. I am sure I did. At least I am sure I would have. The one thing I remember clearly was the look of concern in his eyes and his name - "Andy", he said.
Traumatized by the whole episode, I refused to sleep. Valium was no match for my determination. I marched round and round my house intent on staying awake til the sun came up. The days following, I lived in anticipation and fear of future attacks. I developed a phobia of being alone. I had to be near people no matter whom. I remember spending nights in the security booth until morning came. I left my door wide open after sunset. In fact, I would not stay in my house after sunset unless someone was there with me. It was horrible!
That is when my doctor diagnosed me with Panic Disorder. This took things to a whole new level.
Panic Disorder as described in Wikipedia:
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In panic disorder, a person suffers from brief attacks of intense terror and apprehension, often marked by trembling, shaking, confusion, dizziness, nausea, difficulty breathing. These panic attacks, defined by the APA as fear or discomfort that abruptly arises and peaks in less than ten minutes, can last for several hours and can be triggered by stress, fear, or even exercise; the specific cause is not always apparent.
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In panic disorder, a person suffers from brief attacks of intense terror and apprehension, often marked by trembling, shaking, confusion, dizziness, nausea, difficulty breathing. These panic attacks, defined by the APA as fear or discomfort that abruptly arises and peaks in less than ten minutes, can last for several hours and can be triggered by stress, fear, or even exercise; the specific cause is not always apparent.
In addition to recurrent unexpected panic attacks, a diagnosis of panic disorder requires that said attacks have chronic consequences: either worry over the attacks' potential implications, persistent fear of future attacks, or significant changes in behavior related to the attacks
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I was a textbook case. For the next 8 years, I lived with panic disorder. I was on a regime of anti-anxiety medication. 2.0mg a day but at times had to increase it if I felt a panic attack coming on. My personality changed drastically. No longer the confident, carefree, happy-go-lucky person. Instead I became insecure, defensive and anti-social. I was acutely aware of any and every action in my body. I questioned them all. If a stitch in the side took too long to move, it was a potential panic attack beginning. The movement of gas before belching freaked me out. It was another sign of a panic attack. Literally, I was so focused on all the potential panic attack signs, I lost the ability to just enjoy life. I treated my medication like an American Express card - I never left home without it. Actually, I never even left a room without it.
In the first six months of my diagnosis, I was being treated by a psychiatrist. I was given cognitive and written tasks These involved getting in touch with my feelings. Was I depressed? How do I feel about my family? Do I feel loved? This was all silly to me because I never had any problems or issues before my attack. Anyway, I played along. One night, I woke up to a full-blown panic attack and was so freaked out, I called the psychiatrist to help me through it. He told me not to worry "You're just having an out of body experience", he said. Well, panic attack or no panic attack, one thing was very clear in my mind that night - the psychiatrist had bigger problems than me! That was our last communication.
By the summer of 2000, a year later, with the help of my doctor and my special friend - Andy (the voice at the window), I was able to ween myself to a lower dose of medication. I was down to 1.0 mg a day. Not an easy task at all. Each day I tried to see how long I could wait to swallow my pill, before having to succumb to the horrible withdrawal symptoms. I also tried pinching off a tiny piece of the tablet. Sometimes I was successful at this for about a week. Then there was an onslaught of panic attacks in retribution. It was extremely difficult, scary and frustrating. Not only did I suffer panic disorder but my body had become addicted to the high dose of medication. When you try to lessen the dose, it resulted in the very same reason why you took the pill in the first place! - frequent panic attacks and other side effects. I never want to relive those days... ever. I give "kudos" to Andy, without whose patience and understanding I would never have made it.
If I was acutely tuned into my body functions, he was doubledly tuned into my facial expressions. If I took my meds at 9:00 a.m. daily and this was 8:45 a.m., a rising cramp in my forehead would present itself, followed by a tingling in my arms and a hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach. These feelings became more intense the closer it got to 9:00 a.m.until the moment I swallowed that little white pill. Then magically, every sensation disappeared!
This dependence made me feel trapped and so extremely helpless. As long as I had enough medication, I was content to spend the rest of my life locked in my house. Nothing excited me much any more. Intimacy became just as mechanical as taking my tablets - it was something that had to be done. I felt nothing. I hated to get dressed. I declined from party invitations with one excuse after another. Nothing annoyed me more than to have an unexpected house visitor. It meant forcing myself to socialize and laugh and pretend that all was well. Many times I would pretend to be asleep until they left, leaving Andy to play host instead. My life was hitting rock bottom and I had no idea how to get back to the top. What I knew without a doubt was if I continued my dependency on the medication, I would be lost forever - never to recover.
I finally beat my Panic Disorder with the help of two powerful health supplements I began taking.
It took me six (6) months to do what I could not in nine (9) years. I had no withdrawal symptoms or increased panic attacks. In fact, I felt the best I have ever felt in years! I have excess energy and a will to enjoy life. Now I go to the movies, dinner parties and feel perfectly content to be by myself again. No longer am I focused on simple body functions and do not freak out with every gas movement. The important thing is I am now in control. I owe this all to 3 simple steps I followed each day.
(1) Every morning, I drank 2-oz of a special super juice blended with 4 top antioxidant fruits including Acai and Pomegranate. (2) Then I drank 2-oz of a vitamin/mineral liquid supplement containing Aloe Vera and Mangosteen. These are both marketed by a Health and Wellness manufacturing company in Arizona and proved to be, both refreshing as well as delicious. With the help of these two supplements, I was able to extend the time I took my tablets further and further. If I normally took my tablet at 9:00 a.m. I aimed for 10:00 a.m. and so on. (3) I broke off tiny bits of the full tablet to lessen my intake and get my body used to the new amount. I had no withdrawal symptoms, thanks to the nutrition I was receiving. Each week I increased the size of the piece I broke off. I continued this regime for the next 6 months until I discovered I had gone a whole day without any tablets. That was a significant milestone for me.
The next day, I tried again to go without taking any tablets and I did. There were no withdrawal symptoms and I felt better than I had ever felt before. Two years have passed, since I stopped taking medication and I have not experienced another panic attack during this time. I still continue the daily routine of drinking nutritional supplements and have seen other benefits, including restful sleeping pattern, better digestion, less or no colds and even younger, fresher looking skin.
There have been numerous reports supporting the theory that anxiety or panic attacks stem from nutritional deficiencies. Among the players are Calcium, Magnesium and Omega 3 fatty acids, Vitamin B-6 and B-12. Acai Berry has over 6000 units of Omega fatty acids and also high in Calcium. The liquid vitamin/mineral supplement contains Magnesium, Calcium, Selenium, Vitamin B-6 and B-12 and many other necessary daily nutrients. In addition to helping to eliminate my panic attacks, these liquid supplements have boosted my energy and focus. In a world of many nutritional products, my money is on the one that worked for me. I would recommend these products without hesitation.
Are you ready to start your road to freedom today? You can do it. Panic Disorder does not have to be a life sentence. I am living proof of that. Wishing you good health.
Carol Spence is a Jamaican living in Florida, USA. with a passion for sharing the truth about health products, her experiences with Panic Disorder and the power of natural remedies.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/6228547
